Hi all,

This past week has been really depressing. Why you ask?

On Monday my dad was killed in a car accident. He had a heart attack while driving and jumped the median. then drove headlong into a Semi. Luckily he didn't feel any pain. That night I knew something was wrong but I could place my finger on it. I was very quiet and a monster fucking headache.

I didn't find out until Tuesday, when my aunt and my sister came home early from work. they told me to sit down and that they needed to tell me something. I was scared as hell. I thought something had happened to my mom or my grandparents. I never thought that it was my dad. Then my aunt told me it was my dad and my fucking crumbled at that moment.

I never thought my dad, would go out so soon. Sure he was my mom's ex- husband, but after they divorced he was still my fucking dad. He was the only source of parental male guidance I had. He was the fucking bomb. He tried to teach me how to play Tennis his favorite sport next to football and baseball. He cheered me on at my soccer games and told I could anything and that I was one of the most beautiful girls in the world.

Anyway on Tuesday I called my now so called friend Ryan to help comfort me.... But did he? Oh hell fucking no! He wanted me to go to his house to screw around! Fuck that shit! I'm over here mourning my dad's death and he wants to have sex! But I called my other best friend Jessie I love her so much. and she came by and took me and my sister to an adult store to laugh at the porn and what not.

The rest of the weekdays were a fucking blur until Friday.

On the fucking fourth of July I went to bother My good ole Jade. She was the only person besides Jessie to make me feel better. We made sugar cookies and got into a flour fight I lost. +sighs+ People should flour into hair products! I fucking works. I'm serious, my hair stayed in place. until I took a shower. Granted before said flour fight we went swimming. We watched the fireworks and passed the fuck out.

Saturday...

Was my dad's memorial...

+Heavy sighs+ I didn't quite get the punched in the gut realization until me and my mom got to the church. I saw my lil brother. My dad's son, god does he look just like him. I was the first to speak which as my Uncle Ron said took some big stones. And he said this to my grandfather! You know at that point when your a lil kid and you don't want to be touched? I felt like that all yesterday when it came to those people who turned up to mourn my dad. afterwards I went back to Jades and went swimming and her mom's yummy food. Oh not to mention that it was my mom's birthday as well.

what about sunday you ask??

Going back home to celebrate my mom and my aunts birthdays. YAY! not really.